Suppressed Desires Turkey Chili

Adapted from the Wholefoods Cookbook Tailgate Chili Recipe

Necessary ingredients:

  • Swimming Goggles
  • 2 large onions  or 3 small onions
  • 1 red, 1 green, and 1 color of your choice bell pepper (3 bell peppers total — go all green if you feelin’ it)
  • 1.5 habanero peppers or 2 serrano peppers
  • 1 1/2 small red beans, soaked overnight
  • 3 cloves garlic
  • 1 1/2 lb to 1 3/4 lbs ground turkey, 97% fat free (don’t get the 99% fat free stuff)
  • 1 1/2 cup basmati, brown, or “complex carb” rice (anything but white rice, puleeeze!)
  • 32-34 oz  can diced tomatoes (meaning a large and regular  sized can of diced tomatoes from store)
  • small can tomato paste
  • 1 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2.5-3 tbspn chili powder
  • 1.5 tbspn  ground cumin
  •  1.5 tbspn coriander
  • Main cooking apparatus:  for crock pot/slow cooker.  However, original Wholefoods recipes gives time for cooking stove top in a big ass pot for minimum 2.5 hours.  You can do it this way too. Go for the slow cooker if you have it.
  • Cooking time including prep: Two days, kinda.  If you don’t use the crock pot,  3 1/2 hours, inclusive of one hour prep.  Instructions to follow are for crock pot, but you’re smart enough to adapt

How to cook it

  • Start prep evening before. Usually, have some sporting event or movie or facebooking planned for the next day.
    Soak your beans overnight
  • Put on swimming goggles.  Chop onions and garlic and throw in same bowl.  Chop conspicuously so significant other or partner can marvel at your dedication in kitchen.  Martyr yourself as much as possible without being caught.  But not too much.   That’s what the swimming goggles are for.  None of that crying over your onions bullshit.  Just chop the suckers.
  • Get another bowl.  Chop up ALL peppers  Exclude the seeds from the green, red, and whatever other color big pepper you got.  INCLUDE the seeds from the habenero or serrano pepper.  Do not rub your eyes or rub your neck after chopping habenero peppers.  And especially don’t scratch where the sun don’t shine after that.  It’s not fun.  Trust me.  Throw all the peppers in the same bowl.  Hopefully, you’ve got seals  or covers for the bowls, cuz when you put all that stuff in your fridge overnight it’s gonna smell real oniony in the morning. But put them in the fridge. 
  • Go to sleep, making lots of references to the hard work you’ve done.
  • Next morning.  Get up early. Hopefully it’s Sunday.  Significant others love the sounds of their partners clunking around in the kitchen for them.
  • Start cooking beans.  Figure out how much water to boil the beans in (I never measure, but put in enough so it doesn’t simmer off).  Bring to boil, then simmer for 1 hour.  (Note: if you decide not to use a slow cooker, then cook for 2 hours).  While the bean action is going on:
    • In a big  skillet with olive oil, saute the onions and garlic for about 10 minutes
    • Then add the chopped peppers to the skillet and sautee for 10 minutes
    • Add all seasons to the skillet and mix in, saute for an additional couple of minutes
  • Meanwhile, the beans should be where you need them.  They should be semi firm (a little less firm if you’re NOT using the slow cooker). Drain off the liquid, but save about a cup or so for later use
  • Plug in slow cooker.  Put in diced tomatoes (including liquid from can), onion & pepper mixture, and beans.  Stir in about a half can of the tomato paste. It’s gonna be kinda thick.  No worries. Deal with it as you stir it
  • Cover and set slow cook timer for 6 – 10 hours, depending on how much basketball or football or facebooking you have to do all day
  • Ah yes.  The turkey.  Just so you don’t feel like such a slave to the kitchen, you can add the turkey two or three hours later.  But no more than that.  I prefer to take that same skillet (wash it out first)   put a little olive oil in it, and “semi-brown” the turkey first.  Meaning — cook it just a bit to get some of the fat out.  Pour out the fat, and then stir it into the mixture in the slow cooker.  (Note: stove top cooking you should folllow this step immediately after putting all the stuff in your big pot)

Now, at this point, all is rocking and rolling with your chili.  But don’t let it deceive you.  It will look like a thick hodge podge of glue when you start and you will be tempted to add liquid.  Especially for  the slow cooker, wait two or three hours before you add anything.  Slow cooking will release more water from the veggies, and you can better gauge how thick you want it then.  If need be, add the liquid you reserved from the beans judiciously.

Oh yeah. The rice.  You set your own timing on this.  Follow instructions for rice cooking, but the rice should be started near the end of the cooking process because you will serve the rice with the chili.

Serving Instructions

 Okay, it’s been 6 – 10 hours.  The rice  has been cooked.  Here’s how you serve it.  In a bowl (we have some cool flat bowls where this works great) put a scoop of the rice in the middle.  We use  a stiff, high fiber rice that has a lot of body.  When we put a scoop in, it hold its  shape and doesn’t crumble. Ladle chili around the rice, kinda making the rice look like it’s an island in a chili sea.

Knock yourself out.  By the way, the long it cooks, the hotter the peppers become.  That’s the point. This makes a butt load of servings.  For two people, you can have this at least three times.  It will refridgerate, and you can even freeze portions.  You will probably have rice left over if you’re only serving two people.  This can refridgerate as well, and you can microwave the rice for two or three minutes.  Again, you’ve to have sturdy rice to do this. 

Use chili as leverage to get favors from your significant other, reminding them of how early you got up to prepare the chili.  Also use as leverage when they ask you to get off your butt to do chores around the house while you’re on Facebook.

7 comments to Suppressed Desires Turkey Chili

  • David P

    Go Wendell! Great first post and YUM that sounds good… as has everyone’s contributions to the cookbook so far.

  • W!

    Thanks, David. I couldn’t figure out how to do that Randy thang and imbed a photo with my post. Next week I’ll probably add our crockpot veggie chicken curry soup with garbanzo beans to the cookbook.

  • Yum! Any ideas on how to tweak the pepper content for a wimpy Yankee husband?

  • W!

    No problem with tweaking pepper. Use one serrano pepper instead of two. And, chili’s okay without the spicy heat.

  • prandallr

    You got me Wendell. Next item in the crockpot.

    Gretchen: for wimpy, cut back on the habenero and/or serranos and/or remove the seeds (carefully, and without unmentionables scratching). Perhaps try substituting the smaller can of tomatoes with a can of Rotel (or the other brands that mix mild chilis with tomato). Should still give the flavor w/out the heat.

    Wendell: for the red beans – you say “1 and 1/2 small red beans.” Do you mean cups, lbs., which?

  • W!

    Randy: You are correct. It should say 1 1/2 CUPS small red beans. I’ll correct that later tonight. Hope all is well. Just started the job in Pasadena. Give me a week to see what my flow is like, and let’s get together for lunch on Colorado Street or something. I’m at Walnut and Lake.

  • Lannyl

    OK ya’ll, W!’s chili is the best I’ve ever made or had. Yep. I mean the BEST! Here’s what I did with it:
    I cooked it in a regular big pot, not crock. I omitted the beans ( and the goggles!) and did not add water at all. I did, however, add all of the can of tomato paste. I only added ONE serrano chile. That’s all my little folks could handle. YEE-HAW!
    XOXO
    L

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